kindness

You Should See What You’ve Been Missing!

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Typically, I would start my workout with a quick stretch, move on to the machines, and finally end over in the free-weights area. She would start off by exercising in the pool and would then come into the gym area to finish up on the machines. She was a heavy-set woman; if I had to guess, I’d say she weighed about 300 pounds or so. I’d see her at the gym every day. She went as often as I – and I went every day (except for Sundays). Though I’m sure she was noticed by many, she stood out to few.

She and I didn’t speak; she went about her normal workout and I, mine.

I felt sorry for her as I watched her struggle with the weighted pulley ropes as she worked her arms. But in spite of the fact that she wasn’t able to do a high number of reps or sets, she remained faithful – just as faithful as I – in completing her daily routine. I was oddly struck by her ambition; for I did not understand for the life of me how she was able to maintain her motivation to continue fighting what must feel like a losing battle.

One day, she had come in a little later than usual from the pool which landed us working out side by side on the machines. “Now’s my chance,” I thought to myself as we continued with our routines in an awkward silence; for I had been anxious for an opportunity to make conversation with her. You know – offer her some encouragement, maybe give her a pep talk or something?

“Hi,” I said brightly, offering her a warm and gentle smile.

“How are you today,” she pleasantly responded.

As a conversation ensued, I told her of how I had just begun working out a couple of months before and commended her for her commitment.

“I’ve lost 200 pounds so far,” she said proudly.

And suddenly, I was able to see.

I could see the determination that she’d gained with the loss of every pound.

I could see the confidence that she’d built by esteeming herself as being worthy of her own efforts, whether or not anyone else agreed.

I could see the peace that she’d been able to attain by refusing to surrender the fight.

I finally saw what I had been missing and it was inspiring!

*****

One of my favorite things my husband did while we were dating was to surprise me at work with flowers. But as happens in relationships, the newness wears off, children start coming and responisbility slowly gains precedence over the novelties.

I admit I began to feel neglected and unappreciated – for the limited amount of time that he did have off (in between the demands of restaurant management), he spent doing yard work. And whether at Walmart, Home Depot or Lowe’s, we must begin our jaunt in the garden department. He says it’s therapeutic, but I don’t get it. I mean, how can he get so excited about plants?

One evening, I wandered out to the backyard to see what he and the boys were doing and noticed a plant that I hadn’t recalled seeing before.

“That’s pretty. When did you plant that?” I asked, trying to appear interested.

“Tina, that’s been there for about three months now. You really should pay more attention to what’s in your yard,” he finished.

“Maybe he’s right,” I thought to myself. So the next evening after arriving home from work, I slipped on my house shoes and dawdled half-heartedly around the yard – first in the back and then around to the front. I purposed that I was going to familiarize myself with my surroundings, my yard.

And suddenly, I could see.

I could see that he had wished me good morning and welcomed me back home each day with the beautiful, bright flowers that lined our front walk.

I could see the care and consideration with which he placed the innocuous trees from which climbing ropes for the boys and feeders for the birds swung freely.

I could see the mastery and skill with which the various elements were grown and tended.

I could see the serene and peaceful backdrop that he’d so artfully created.

I finally saw what I had been missing and I felt like a queen!

*****

She was tall with a thin frame. Her mouth draped downward on either corner as if having relinquished control to her overpowering and serious demeanor. She drove a shiny, red car which she kept absolutely immaculate. She could often be heard boasting of her education or spouting off about her knowledge and experience which, of course, was far superior to that of any of the rest of us.

Her meager attempts to appear sincere were embellished with a forced smile (corners of mouth now raised just enough to form a straight line) as her tongue hurled thoughtless remarks taming vulnerability like a barbed whip. Her intolerance for children was no secret; nor was her lack of desire to be married; for she was quite content knocking about alone in her home (house) with her cats. After all, she was convinced that they were a lot more enjoyable and less troublesome than kids.

Mornings could go from pleasant to dreadful in an instant, the elevator sounding the warning bell for her arrival. As she exited in a whirl, she could be heard screeching of traffic snarls and incompetent drivers she’d encountered during her commute.

Oh, how I longed for an opportunity to disturb that chip on her shoulder – to put her in her place! Somebody needed to do it!

One day she launched one of her typical tirades only this time, it involved me. Problem was, she wasn’t talking to me – she was talking about me – loudly and deliberately and within earshot. Too blatant to disregard, I did what I had been longing to do for so long – I confronted her. Marching into her office and closing the door behind me, I sat down and began sharing , with as much honesty and diplomacy as possible, exactly how her actions had made me feel.

As she sat and listened, I continued looking her squarely in the eyes.

And suddenly, I could see.

I could see her insecurity as she sat disarmed by truth and accountability.

I could see her grief over the death of her once-upon-a-time dream for a family of her own.

I could see her emaciated self-worth as she work exhaustively to achieve recognition.

I finally saw what I had been missing and I was determined to offer her affirmation and encouragement every chance I got regardless of whether or not her actions were deserving of it.

*****

Once I saw what I’d been missing, my views were forever changed.

Until next time,

Tina 😉